Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
