Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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