i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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