Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

wakey wakey hands off snakey

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.

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(207): View more from Maine

I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring

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(818): View more from California

you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me

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(818): View more from California

i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign

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(605): View more from South Dakota

im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am

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(916): View more from California

You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus

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(440): View more from Ohio

he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...

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