I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
