sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
