Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
