your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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