So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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