I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize