I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
