none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
