I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
