omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
