Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
