by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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