The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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