I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
