Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize