I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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