wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
