yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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