I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
