i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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