When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
