I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wish I only lived at night.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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