She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
