I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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