She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we're making bets on your personal life
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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