i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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