i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize