How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
