We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
