her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
