i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
