i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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