Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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