Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
