We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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