So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
this boner is exhausting
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
