At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Enjoy the penises
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
