My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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