Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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