Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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