Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
In America we eat man semen.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
COCAINE IS GR8
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
