:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
