I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
whose ass print is on the piano?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This is my gift to your gina
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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