I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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