Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
