Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
