I want to have your abortion
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
