Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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