i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
