i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
