I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
