I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize