This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
