Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
