I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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