dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
