I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
