But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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