his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize