At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
