My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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