you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I touched a dick in church today
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
