I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
