my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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